As you’ve learned, being defensive is a result of feeling ashamed, hurt, guilty, attacked, etc. If a person is feeling this way, responding with further criticism is likely to end only in stonewalling or an argument. Instead, show empathy and concern for the situation that the other person is experiencing.
Why do I get so defensive so easily?
Feeling defensive is a natural self-protection mechanism that we have inside us, says Dr Kate Renshall, a clinical psychologist based in Sydney. I think we all get defensive when somebody pushes on something that feels too close to home, or touches on something we already might doubt about ourselves.
What does it mean when your defensive?
Someone on the defensive is concerned with justifying their actions or words. They have a defensive attitude as they try to protect themselves. If you know that to defend is to protect, you have an idea what defensive means. When a person is acting defensive, they’re trying to protect or justify themselves.
How do I stop being defensive and sensitive?
- Remind yourself of your deepest values. Remembering our firmest beliefs and passions can make us feel less defensive. …
- See criticism as a sign of others’ belief in your abilities. …
- Cultivate a growth mindset. …
- In the moment, buy time. …
- Use classic: “I” statements.
What does it mean when someone gets overly defensive?
To be defensive is to react with an overprotective mentality so a situation that perhaps doesn’t warrant it. Defensiveness is an impulsive and reactive mode of responding to a situation or conversation. Rather than listening with an open heart, we respond with our metaphorical shields up and weapons drawn.
How do I become less defensive?
- Think Before You Respond. …
- Manage Your Stress. …
- Get Better At Listening. …
- Take Some Deep Breaths. …
- Get To Know Yourself Better. …
- Don’t Let Yourself Interrupt. …
- Know When You’re Being Defensive. …
- View Things From Different Perspectives.
How do you respond to defensiveness?
- Refrain from reacting defensively. …
- Shift your focus to the other person. …
- Ask questions until you understand them. …
- Move toward a resolution.
Is Defensive a character trait?
behavior directed to protection of the individual from injury. character defense any character trait, e.g., a mannerism, attitude, or affectation, which serves as a defense mechanism. … Defense mechanisms are not pathological in themselves; they can be a means of dealing with unbearable situations.
Is it OK to be defensive?
That’s a good thing, because otherwise you would be helpless. However, psychological defensiveness can be destructive. It’s a very complex type of behavior. … However, defensive behaviors are usually harmful for both the person doing them and those on the receiving end.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=jXTiMr-F6Ws
What is the difference between being defensive and explaining yourself?
You’re defensive when you have done something wrong, was called out for it, but don’t want to admit wrong. You speak up for yourself when you’re accused of something you didn’t do, or being treated unfairly, and you need to defend your right and uphold your ideal.
What is stonewalling in a relationship?
Stonewalling is, well, what it sounds like. In a discussion or argument, the listener withdraws from the interaction, shutting down and closing themselves off from the speaker because they are feeling overwhelmed or physiologically flooded. Metaphorically speaking, they build a wall between them and their partner.
What is an example of a defensive behavior?
Defensive behaviors are a group of evolved responses to threat. They include flight, freezing, defensive threat, defensive attack, and risk assessment. The type of defensive behavior elicited in a particular situation depends on features of both the threat and the situation.
How do you break defense mechanisms?
- Go in the opposite direction. …
- Practice mindfulness. …
- Ask yourself how your defences are limiting you or holding you back: …
- Give yourself permission to experience real intimacy.
How can I communicate without being defensive?
- Be Secure In Who You Are. You’re less likely to get defensive or hurt over something when you know for sure that it’s not true. …
- Stop Retaliating & Genuinely Listen. …
- Use I Statements. …
- Think Long-Term Instead Of Short-Term. …
- Learn How To Receive Criticism. …
- It’s OK To Be Wrong.
How do you deal with a highly defensive person?
- Calmly state your intentions up-front. For particularly sensitive topics that you’re almost sure will generate a defensive response, it can be helpful to just anticipate it. …
- Avoid leading with an accusation. …
- Steer clear of “always,” “never,” and “you” statements.
What is the root cause of defensiveness?
The Causes of Defensiveness
Defensive behavior can be a complex and murky issue. For many people, their behavioral patterns stem from emotional, mental, or personality issues/tendencies developed over the course of their lifetimes (feelings of abandonment, inferiority, low self-esteem, narcissism, etc.).
Why do I get so defensive when Criticised?
As you’ve learned, being defensive is a result of feeling ashamed, hurt, guilty, attacked, etc. If a person is feeling this way, responding with further criticism is likely to end only in stonewalling or an argument. Instead, show empathy and concern for the situation that the other person is experiencing.
Is defending yourself being defensive?
Being defensive is about keeping people out (and guarding yourself about the information they are giving you), while setting boundaries is about taking the information in and protecting yourself—and potentially protecting the relationship from further harm.
What is gaslighting in a relationship?
In the vernacular, the phrase “to gaslight” refers to the act of undermining another person’s reality by denying facts, the environment around them, or their feelings. Targets of gaslighting are manipulated into turning against their cognition, their emotions, and who they fundamentally are as people.
What are examples of gaslighting?
Examples of Gaslighting in Relationships
If someone says, You know I only do it because I love you, or, Believe me, this is for the best, when doing something you perceive as abusive, controlling, or wrong, they are probably gaslighting you.
What is a backburner relationship?
A back-burner, as defined by the study, is “a person to whom one is not presently committed, and with whom one maintains some degree of communication, in order to keep or establish the possibility of future romantic and/or sexual involvement.”
What is defensive posture?
A defensive posture involves the loss of initiative, with all its disadvantages. From the Cambridge English Corpus. The need for protection under this defensive posture has even been offered as a justification for taking preemptive aggressive action. From the Cambridge English Corpus.
How do defensive people behave?
Defensive individuals often have control and power issues, and perceive anyone confronting them or holding them accountable as a threat. They are uncomfortable with feelings in general and managing their own.
What is regression in psych?
Regression is a return to earlier stages of development and abandoned forms of gratification belonging to them, prompted by dangers or conflicts arising at one of the later stages.
Is being quiet a defense mechanism?
Being silent as a form of defence
People that feel unable to communicate on an emotional level can feel safe behind a wall of silence. … If this happens often in your relationship it is likely that your partner finds it hard to be in touch with their own feelings of vulnerability.
What are ego defenses?
Ego defense mechanisms are unconscious psychological processes that help an individual cope with anxiety resulting from a stressful internal or external environment.
What is the opposite of defensiveness?
Noun. ▲ Opposite of a close concern for someone or something, solicitude, vigilance. carelessness. unconcern.